13 January 2008

An Invitation

The key to marriage and family enrichment is preventing problems. Couples who commit themselves to God and to each other, and who are willing to learn to better communicate their love, can experience the fulfillment and intimacy that God intended for His people.

A series of lessons will be presented this week examining the need of the family to return to the old paths of God’s design. Beginning Wednesday night, Brother Hunter will examine the difficult nature of giving and receive constructive criticism. Criticism pulls people apart and severs emotional bonds unless it is done correctly. Guidelines will be given to help find the manner of criticism that brings harmony to the home. Included in this lesson is a “24-hour criticism fast” and a “criticism pledge.” Don’t miss this lesson.

Thursday night will be two lessons: 7:00pm – Giving honor to the woman as found in 1 Peter 3:7 – “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” This lessons will examine the self-esteem problem. God commands us “…not to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God who gives us all things richly to enjoy” (I Timothy 6:17). God wants us to enjoy life and find pleasure from obeying Him. Paul commands us to “rejoice always, again I say rejoice” (Philippians 4:4). Many Christians find it difficult to be joyful. Depression, low self-esteem, and discouragement are too commonplace. Women experience feelings of low self-esteem about being women more than men do about being men. What does the Bible say? Brother Hunter will offer some practical applications to give honor to the woman as God desires.

The second lesson Thursday evening will be on “Creative Parenting – Thinking Out Of The Box.” This will be the “last stage of maturation process” in raising God’s children. There is a need to focus on nurturing and creating strong emotional bonds in the home. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Names are important to understand relationships. The family is in need to togetherness at the dinner hour and a foundation of Bible teaching in the home is imperative. Vital lesson on the structure of a happy home.

Friday night will be a two-part lesson on the “Gift Of Submission.” The first lesson will examine what this means. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). There is much confusion on what God has clearly stated in scripture in the relationship of husband and wife. Many, even Christian women, have been so influenced by our culture, that they do not have a clue as to what a “meek and quiet spirit,” and being “in subjection to your husbands even as you are unto the Lord in everything” involves (I Peter 3:4, Ephesians 5:22-24).

Ed Wheat says “The key to a successful marriage is “The husband must be 100% committed to loving his wife and the wife must be 100% committed to being submissive.” He explains the dynamic this way: “As the husband loves his wife, she is going to be more submissive to him. As the wife submits to her husband, his love for her will surely grow. “What kind of love is a husband to bring to his wife? It is a strong, stable, mental attitude, always seeking nothing but the highest good for the one he loves. It is a love expressed in word and actions which motivates the one being loved to give of herself in return.”

What does it mean for a wife to be in submission to her husband? The word submit comes from a military term which actually means to do an assigned job in an assigned way. A responsive and receptive wife, therefore willingly, demonstrates that she surrenders her freedom for his love, adoration, protection, and provision. Her response to his love should lead to an eagerness to meet her husband’s needs even before he asks. It is an attitude of willing adaptation to that which God is leading her husband to do. Submissiveness is the most important gift a wife can give her husband. We know submission has to be a gift from her to him because it is contrary to all natural tendencies, just as agape (sacrificial love) is a gift from him to her that is also against natural tendencies. However, as both are given, it releases a supernatural flow of love between the husband and wife. Both are specially blessed and mutually satisfied as God intended.

Any marriage problems among Christians can be boiled down to spiritual problems where the husband and/or wife are not fulfilling their God-given roles. It is important to understand the dynamics of a marriage the way God designed it to thrive and prosper and not view any of these in isolation.

It is important to learn what submission is not. It is not being a doormat or mindless servant. A woman has the right of appeal.         Esther came in to the King and risked her life to ask that the king reconsider a decision he had made based upon some information she needed to share with him. She was respectful and he listened and saved the day. But it was simply a request, not a demand or willful defiance. God moved the King’s heart to listen.

Ladies, you have an obligation to give your husband your best thinking. (A husband is a fool who does not solicit counsel). True oneness comes from sharing your mind, your body, your soul, and your emotions. Do not give him “a piece of your mind” but your best thinking. Otherwise, you are cheating the husband of important insight he needs from his wife (I Peter 3:7).

It is not teaching a woman to trust in her husband but to trust God as he works through lines of authority. Some object: How can God command me to submit when He doesn’t know my husband? Some women have good husbands, others don’t. God set this up because He knew He would be directly involved through His lines of authority. Even Jesus submitted to lines of authority. He said over and over again “Not my will but thine be done.” He stood before Pilate and was passive. John 19:10,11 – “So Pilate said to Him, ‘You do not speak to me? Do You not know that I have authority to release You, and I have authority to crucify You?’ Jesus answered, "You would have no authority over Me, unless it had been given you from above” (John 19:10-11).You may think you are the boss. You are not! God is the boss.

The same thing is true with your husbands, ladies. Ultimately God is in control. How does this work in the lives of Christian women today? Three practical steps: When a decision is in the making, go off and pray and plead your case to God. Ask God to move and work in your husband’s heart so that the best decision will be made. Then go to your husband and tell him you are praying for God to give him wisdom. Let him realize he is God’s authority in the home. Then tell him that you will submit and cheerfully go along with the decision even as you submit to the Lord. That scares him because then he has to face up to responsibility and can’t blame you. It forces him to grow up!

When you submit to your husband, you are not trusting in your husband, you are trusting in God. When you do His will and submit you can be confident there will be a blessing in it and that His will will be done. This is difficult because submitting to lines of authority is not in the American spirit! Your children need to see how you subject to lines of authority so they will have modeled before them how to handle similar battles of will in their lives! You can be a strong-willed woman and very persuasive, yet when the chips are down, you can be submissive.

Saturday morning will present three lessons. The first deals with “Successful Quarreling.” Conflict is inevitable. “A fellow who says he has never had an argument with his wife is apt to lie about other things, too.” If you have a partnership, you have to work on things together. You will have disagreements due to different backgrounds and opinions you both possess.Marriage is two becoming one and the whole time you are trying to determine which one it is!

One fellow said, “The nice thing about being single is that all the decisions are unanimous.” This subject is vitally important because the number one criteria necessary for long-term marital stability and happiness is the ability to resolve conflict successfully! The positives initially draw people together, but the negatives (and how they are handled) ultimately pull people apart. Research has found that there are 4 factors that if not dealt with are precursors of divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal. These are the four emotional land mines that will blast apart and destroy almost any marriage if they become chronic. Notice: They all deal with conflict resolution! This is critically important, yet so often neglected. This lesson will examine what most couples argue about and the difference between happy and unhappy couples.

The second lesson for Saturday morning will examine “Marriage As A Spiritual Covenant. We have not entered into a “marriage contract” but a “marriage covenant!” (Malachi 2:14; Proverbs 2:16f). What exactly is a covenant? A Hebrew word: “In the sense of cutting; a compact made by passing between pieces of flesh” Examples are found in Genesis 15:9-10, 17-18 and Jeremiah 34:13,18. Our forefathers began many wedding traditions and understood this well. Over time, the original meanings have been lost. “The True Significance of the Wedding Covenant” booklet opened my eyes. One covenant symbol: the different sides for seating the guests of the bride or groom represents the covenant relationship and the guests as “living sacrifices.”

A marriage is sacred. It is spiritual…heavenly (Matthew 19:6). A “holy triune not a human duet!” If you break your vow to your mate, you may still have to keep your vow to God (“until death do you part” not “until divorce do you part”).            “It is a snare to a man to say rashly, ‘It is holy’ and then to later make inquiry” Proverbs 20:25. Half of all divorces in 1997 occurred within the first two years!

The difference between a covenant and a contract: a)     A covenant is based on trust---a contract on distrust! b)      A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility --a contract on limited liability. Illustration: God’s promise to Abraham and all He went through to keep His Word demonstrate unlimited responsibility. Just as the traditional words “…for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” A covenant is lifelong and not to be broken --a contract can be voided by mutual consent.

Do we have a problem with keeping vows and commitments today? A lax attitude in general makes the taking of our vows seriously difficult. Ronald Reagan in 1981 fired the air traffic controllers because they broke a contractual agreement. Doubtful that would happen today. During the revolutionary war both sides respected vows so much that they avoided taking prisoners. Instead, they simply made them promise they would not return to fight again. If they violated their honor and did so, then they were executed. Examine these scriptures that apply to the taking of vows: Ecclesiastes 5:2-7; Psalm 15:4b (Zion dweller - swears to his own hurt and changes not!!!); Numbers 30:2; 1 Samuel 1:11-21 (Hannah’s vow); Joshua 9:16-20;

Commitment: the cornerstone of a triumphant marriage! Consider the following quote about the nature of commitment: “COMMITMENT ... is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. It is the actions that speak louder than words. It is making the time when there is none, coming through time after time, year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.” “Marriage demands toughness, and toughness proceeds out of commitment. No marriage will ever be stronger than the commitments that serve as its infrastructure.

MAKE YOUR PLANS TO BE AT THIS IMPORTANT SERIES OF LESSONS ON THE HOME

The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." (Genesis 2:22-23)