THE TRENTON BULLETIN

THE TRENTON BULLETIN

Trenton Church of Christ, Trenton, Florida

Most marriages begin with anticipation of a relationship that borders on ecstasy, and the honeymoon may prove to be just that. Sooner or later, however, the new wears off, reality sets in and adjustments have to be made. Even if the initial adjustments are successfully accomplished, there are strains and stresses that can sour a marriage after years have passed. Then, what do you do?

Conventional wisdom in our day is that you just admit that you have made a mistake, divorce and try again—much as you would trade off a car that proved to be a lemon. The first step, therefore, in putting the pieces back together is to accept the fact that divorce is not an option.

Divorce is not an option because of the promise that was made before God and witnesses to “love, honor and cherish: in sickness and in health, in prosperity and adversity, for better or for worse.” A person of integrity keeps his word, even if it proves to have been “for worse.”

Even more significant is the word of Jesus. In answer to a question regarding divorce Jesus said, “. . . what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). When a marriage is breaking apart, the only decision for those who respect the authority of Jesus is to put it back together.

Marriage counselors and divorce courts use language that resounds with hopelessness. They say that the two parties are incompatible, that there are “irreconcilable differences” and that the marriage is “irreparably broken.” They use such language because they do not understand the permanence of marriage or the real cause of conflict. The real cause of all broken marriages is sin by one or both parties, and sin has a remedy.

Modern language clothes sin in such respectable garb that it becomes difficult to recognize it. However, any failure to be like Jesus or to follow His teaching is sin. It is unthinkable that two Christ-like individuals would have serious marriage problems. Christ’s love alone—unselfish, long-suffering, sacrificial—would prevent all marriage problems. Practice of the teaching of Jesus would surely prevent the kind of conflicts that endanger marriages. “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17). Sin not only endangers marriages, but it destroys all hope of heaven unless it is forgiven. This makes dealing with the causes of marriage problems all the more imperative.

Since sin causes broken marriages, the solution is repentance, confession and prayer. The problem, of course, is getting alienated individuals to see their own sins since they have become so accustomed to blaming their companions.

Most parties in a troubled marriage will agree that they are not perfect mates themselves, but then they begin reciting the weaknesses of their spouses. I often ask them how much success they have had in correcting their companion’s faults and the answer is always that they have failed miserably. Then, reminding them that they have confessed that they are not perfect themselves, I suggest that perhaps they should begin working on the faults they can correct—their own.

I then ask both individuals to write down five things they are sure their companions would want them to change. When these are listed, I suggest that for the next week they forget about correcting their companion’s faults and concentrate on changing those things in their own conduct and attitudes that their companion would like them to change. If they will cooperate, this is the beginning of healing.

True love increases not so much by what others do for us as by what we do for others. The more we invest in our marriage, the more we will value it and the more determined we will be to make it work. As Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21).

The next step is to take a more positive look at one’s companion. After asking both partners in a troubled marriage to suggest the things in themselves that they can correct, I then often ask them to try to forget the faults of their partners and make a list of the good qualities they possess. There was something attractive and good in the partner that led to the marriage in the first place. Are those good qualities still there? Are there not other good qualities that have been discovered? Once those good qualities are listed, it is evident that many other people would give anything for a companion that good.

Confession is probably necessary if complete healing is ever to occur—confession not to the church but to one another and to God. The scriptures admonish: “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Pride makes this very difficult, especially after serious conflicts. But such pride itself is sin, and it will prevent the healing we seek. “Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. (I Peter 5:5).

Jesus did say in (Matthew 19:9), “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” This identifies one acceptable cause for divorce and even remarriage. It does not, however, require divorce for this cause.

Divorce may be advisable if there is no remorse or if the unfaithfulness is continuing. But when there is penitence, the best course for the “innocent party” is to forgive and hold the marriage together. This is especially true when children are involved and it is often the only hope for the salvation of the one who has sinned. The guilty party should realize that he or she has committed the ultimate offense and should understand the difficulty of forgiveness, but forgiveness is surely the course that an offended Christian should pursue.

One spouse may say, “I will try if my companion will.” Even this is not an option. If the Lord requires faithfulness to a promise, self-examination and self-improvement, counting other better than self, confession and forgiveness of those who sin against us, then we do them whether a companion does them or not

We may not think it is fair to have to live with a bad marriage. Neither does it seem fair that one who has had an accident has to live without an arm or leg, but such a person does have to live with it and make the best of it. So it is with marriage. The law of the land may not require that those who make a mistake in marriage live with the consequences of it, but God does. With a Christian that settles it. When a Christian’s marriage goes sour, he or she will do everything possible to put it back together again.

The covenant of circumcision was first given to Abraham in Genesis 17 and became a sign of the covenant between God and the children of Israel. The early church had numerous problems with Jewish converts trying to impose circumcision upon Christians (Acts 15). When the Law of Moses was abolished, the covenant of circumcision was also abolished. However, Paul uses circumcision to describe the avenue of salvation for all men. “In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead” (Colossians 2:11-12).

While the circumcision of Abraham was a fleshly act, the covenant described by Paul was one “made without hands” signifying a spiritual cutting off the old man of sin. “Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin” (Romans 6:6). The necessity of circumcision was imposed upon the children of Israel as the sign of God’s grace and mercy. “And the uncircumcised male child, who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that person shall be cut off from his people; he has broken My covenant" (Genesis 17:14). This same imposition is implied by Paul in the circumcision made without hands in putting off the body of the sins of the flesh.

The circumcision of Christ is the antitype of the circumcision of Abraham as a sign of the covenant between God and His people. Without the circumcision of Christ man cannot enjoy the blessings of the covenant. When a Jewish male was circumcised on the eighth day (Leviticus 12:3) he entered into covenant with God. When someone seeks to be saved today they must also enter into a covenant with God through the act of the circumcision made without hands. Paul describes this circumcision in Colossians 2:12 as baptism.

“Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection” (Romans 6:3-5). When one obeys the gospel of Christ through faith and is baptized for the remission of sins (Acts 2:28) they become the “true circumcision, the people who are in covenant with God” (Wilbur Fields).

The act of fleshly circumcision involved blood and through the spiritual act of circumcision (baptism) the blood of Jesus Christ redeems us and makes us blood bought people in covenant with the Father. “Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant” (Hebrews 13:20; see also Matthew 26:28; Hebrews 9:16-10:18). Without the circumcision made without hands there is no covenant and without a covenant there is no salvation. Obedience requires submission to the covenant requirements of the law of God.

I had a drug problem when I was young. I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom’s garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad’s fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug be back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place. God bless the parents who drugged us.

Last night my little boy confessed to me some childish wrong; and kneeling at my knee to pray in tears prayed, “Dear God, make me a man like daddy – wise and strong; I know you can.” Then while he slept, I knelt beside his bed, confessed my sins, and prayed with low bowed head, “Dear God, make me a child like my child here – pure, guileless, trusting thee with faith sincere.”